Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating - Chapter 09

Once one person brought it up, others who had been hesitant to speak immediately followed with their own questions.

[Gang] Deer in the Deep Woods: Yeah, are we still going to fight? We haven’t even avenged Xianxian’s lost equipment yet.

[Gang] Chun Xiao: I can’t figure it out. You five went to ambush Xiao Tian Jing, and not only did she escape, but you also lost one of your own?

[Gang] Silent Pulse: Oh, who knew that Little Sweet Scene would be so sneaky! It’s just something that couldn’t be helped.

[Gang] Chun Xiao: A healer, a support—why can’t they prevent it? Even if the support is sealed, the healer herself has healing skills.

Chun Xiao is the deputy leader of the Idle Pavilion, a woman, and it’s said she has a thing with their female leader, Xiangsi Bugua.

This isn’t much of a secret within the gang. When Xiangsi Bugua is absent, the gang is basically managed by Chun Xiao.

[Guild] Silent Pulse: No, Xiao Xiao, Xian Xian died helping our guild kill someone, and even had her equipment looted… You can’t just say that, can you?

[Gang] Spring Xiao: I’m just stating the facts.

[Gang] Xian Mengmeng: …

[Gang] Xian Mengmeng: I’m sorry [crying] I didn’t realize it at the time. By the time I came to my senses and tried to heal, I was already one-shot by the fox…

[Gang] Chun Xiao: When going out to kill in the future, be more careful on your own. Otherwise, if you get counter-killed, not only will you easily lose your equipment and experience points, but the gang’s reputation will also suffer.

After sending this message, Chun Xiao immediately minimized the game interface and continued discussing the hidden quest with leaders of other major factions in the district’s Penguin discussion group.

The top guild leader: I just checked at NC—this damn quest still requires high-tier materials! Nine Heroes is really no fun; isn’t this just forcing us to deplete our internal resources?!

The leader of Hualou Southside: What bad timing. Our guild just ran a major XP dungeon recently and doesn’t have many high-tier materials left.

The leader of Potian: You’re quite amusing, South of Painted Tower. Your faction’s asset vault is clearly stocked with a pile of high-grade materials. Do you think everyone is blind?

Leader of Hualou Southside: F*ck! Potian, you bastard sent another spy into our guild!

Leader of Potian Guild: Bullsh*t! It was a screenshot sent by an acquaintance! Who’d bother planting a spy in your guild? You’re not even worth it!

Leader of Hualou Southside: Oh yeah? If you’ve got the guts, declare us as an enemy guild then!

Leader of the Idle Pavilion: If you want to fight, wait until the matter is resolved. Don’t waste everyone’s time arguing here.

Leader of the Idle Pavilion: Enough with the small talk. My proposed plan is for each faction to contribute 100 stalks of Immortal Beard Grass, 20 Fish Heart Pills, and 5 Phoenix Fire Eyes. Our Idle Pavilion will contribute 20% more materials than yours. Speak now if you have any objections.

The rare materials she’s asking for would require an entire faction to work together for two months just to gather them.

But when the other factions heard that the Idle Pavilion was contributing 20% more materials than them, they suddenly didn’t feel so bad about it anymore.

The Heaven-Shattering Sect Leader: You’re offering 120?

Leader of the Idle Pavilion: What’s the issue?

The leader of the Shattered Sky Gang: « Hah, no problem, just a bit surprised. I originally thought your gang wouldn’t contribute a single cent. »

Painting Tower Southside Leader: Wait, are you Chun Xiao or Xiangsi Buguzhe?

Leader of the Idle Pavilion: ?

Guild Leader at Painted Pavilion South: That must be Chun Xiao. If you handle it this way, will Xiang Si agree without hesitation?

Guild Leader of the Idle Pavilion: No need for you to worry about that. Then it’s settled—submit the materials within half an hour.

With those words, Chun Xiao exited the discussion group directly.

Then she opened her friend list, found the name she longed for, and tentatively sent a « 1 » over.

Unexpectedly, the message was successfully sent.

[Friend] Heart Yearns for It: ?

[Friend] Chunxiao: When are you planning to start the Demon King?

[Friend] Chunxiao: You saw the system message, right? Give us a time so we can submit the materials.

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: This afternoon.

[Friend] Spring Xiao: Can we win this fight?

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: I don’t know.

[Friend] Spring Xiao: 1

Xiang Huaizhi didn’t reply anymore. He turned on the friend messages, worried that the little fox fairy wouldn’t be able to find him.

« Old Xiang, are you sure you don’t need the top sorcerer of the Nine Heroes to step in? » Lu Hang lay on the bedside, propping his chin as he asked.

Xiang Huaizhi didn’t even turn his head: « Only she and I can cut into the fight. »

« I know, what I mean is I can log into her account to handle it, » Lu Hang said. « You’re well aware of how tough hidden quests are. The last team to trigger one was the top squad from the neighboring district, and they barely scraped through after three hours of fighting. If you take Xiao Tianjing along, aren’t you just sending her to her death? »

Xiang Huai said, « The boss difficulty adjusts based on the number of players. »

But if you take Little Sweet Scene with you, it’s like soloing the Demon King… Besides, what if she jumps on your face while trying to escape? That’d be the end of it, wouldn’t it?

Xiang Huai asked him, « Do you really want to help? »

Lu Hang nodded frantically—after all, who wouldn’t want to get involved in a hidden quest?

Come to the city lord.

Lu Hang immediately controlled his game character and walked over to Heart’s Desire: « What’s up? »

Xiang Huaizhi emptied his inventory to free up space: « Toss me some high-tier potions. »

Lu Hang: « ? »

And give me a Nine-Tailed Immortal Fox transformation card too.

Seriously, a transformation card worth 700 gold? How can you even ask me for that! High-tier potions are ridiculously expensive too—I’ve been saving them specifically for the War God battle…

Xiang Huaizhi raised an eyebrow. « Didn’t you say you needed help? »

Lu Hang retorted, « Is this help? You’re practically asking for my life! »

Still want a first-person view of sealing the Demon King?

« ? »

Are we still going to kill the War God?

“……”

Should we still bring three healers into the dungeon at the same time in the future?

Lu Hang gritted his teeth: « …How many high-tier potions do you…need? »

——

After class, Jing Huan quickly grabbed a bowl of sour and spicy rice noodles to go and hurried home.

When he got home, he turned on his computer and was about to log in to Jiuxia.

【Hello, the Kyouka Suigetsu server is currently full. Please wait patiently in the queue. There are 999 players ahead of you, with an estimated wait time of thirty-seven minutes.】

???

Jing Huan felt as if he had returned to ten years ago, when Nine Heroes had just launched its servers. There were very few servers back then, and almost every player had to queue for dozens of minutes before logging in.

But it’s already 9102! Why do we still have to queue?

The game has a bug?

He tried logging into other servers and got in instantly, but Mirror Flower, Water Moon was the only one with a queue.

Thirty minutes later, he barely managed to squeeze into the server. The moment he logged on, he was bombarded with countless friend messages—all from the same person upon closer inspection.

[Friend] Energetic Little Mosquito Coil: Little sister, when are you going to slay the demon king?

[Friend] Vigorous Little Mosquito Coil: This mission only has a forty-eight-hour time limit!

[Friend] Energetic Little Mosquito Coil: If we don’t start killing now, it’ll be too late, hurry hurry hurry!

Jing Huan read them one by one and replied.

[Friend] SweetScenery: What’s going on with the Nine Heroes server today? My game is so laggy, and it takes half an hour just to log in.

[Friend] Energized Mosquito Coil: You finally came! The server got flooded with a bunch of new accounts all at once—no wonder it’s lagging!

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: ?

[Friend] EnergizedMosquito: It’s all because people are creating alt accounts to watch you slay the Demon King.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: ??

[Friend] Energized Mosquito Coil: Right now, all the Nine Heroes streamers are live-streaming their newbie village quest runs.

[Friend] Energized Mosquito Coil: Girl! You’ve gone viral in Nine Heroes!!

Just as Jing Huan finished reading this message, a notification popped up in the bottom-left corner.

[Server-wide Announcement] Don’t Rain Anymore: Little Sweet Scenery, my heart yearns for you! Wait for me a bit longer! I’m just two levels away from leaving the beginner village! Don’t rush to kill me! Get more prepared!

[Server-wide Announcement] One-time online romance, one-time joy: Damn it, I’m still in the queue. Can a few players ahead log off so I can move up?

[Server-wide Announcement] Mingming Has You: Can anyone in the know tell us when these two are finally going to start fighting? The audience has been waiting in the livestream all day.

Jing Huan: « … »

The friend’s message notification flashed again. He frowned as he opened it, ready to tell the overly enthusiastic « Mosquito Incense » to shut up.

[Friend]Heart’sDesire: 1

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: 0v0! Big bro

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: So sorry I’m late! I had to queue for half an hour just to log in [bites handkerchief]

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: Come to the city lord’s place.

Jing Huan immediately dashed over, only to find the city lord surrounded by a bustling crowd. The sea of people made it impossible for him to spot Heart’s Desire.

[Current]Destined Peach Tea: Coming, coming!! Sweet Little Jing is here!

[Current] Can’t Wait for Nightfall: Finally, the battle is about to begin! Let’s go, let’s go!!

[Current] Bloodthirsty Battle Intent: Why is Little Sweet Scene in the Fox Immortal Cave? How are we supposed to slay the Demon King here? Does she even understand faction skills?

…How on earth did this group of people manage to see him?

【Heart’s Desire invites you to join the team.】

Jing Huan quickly clicked agree.

[Party] Little Sweet Jing: War God brother, why are there so many people here? qvq

[Team]SweetJing: If we wipe, wouldn’t that be super embarrassing [shocked]

A man’s voice suddenly came through the headphones: ‘Empty your inventory.’

Before Jing Huan could react, a flood of yellow system messages popped up on the game screen.

【Heart’s Desire】Here’s a Nine-Tailed Immortal Fox Transformation Card x1 for you

【Heart’s Yearning threw you 5 Soul-Returning Pills】

【Heart’s Yearning threw you 10 Recovery Red Beads】

…………

Xiang Huaizhi added, « Go deposit the money you have on you. »

Jing Huan was taken aback but quickly regained his composure. « I don’t have much money on me… »

Xiang Huaizhi gave an acknowledging hum. « First, check the effects of these potions. Once the battle starts, find a corner to hide in. As long as you don’t touch the boss, it won’t attack you. Just watch out for its area-of-effect damage, remember to heal yourself, and don’t die. »

Jing Huan: « …Huh? »

If I fall, you run. » Xiang Huaizhi paused, « Use the same method as last time when we were being chased, understand?