Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating - Chapter 05

Neither of them expected Xinxiangwangzhi to make a move, and for a moment, both were stunned.

Jing Huan mentally cursed Xiang Zhizhi’s entire family in his heart, then gritted his teeth and silently repeated « f*ck » in eight different languages.

The Immortal Binding Rope is a high-level item dropped in wild maps, capable of immobilizing the target for six seconds.

Six seconds is enough for him to unleash Xiao Wenxiang’s full set of skills.

But unexpectedly, after Xiao Wenxiang of Vitality cast her ultimate skill, she also froze in place.

[Current] Xiao Wenxiang of Vitality: « …How are you from the Fox Immortal Cave? Did you switch sects? »

The Heavenly Net Jing Huan had just thrown out was a skill unique to the Fox Immortal Cave. Xiao Wenxiang clicked open her profile to take a look—sure enough, the faction column clearly displayed the words « Fox Immortal Cave. »

The Fox Immortal Cave differs from Mount Putuo. While both specialize in healing, the Fox Immortal Cave focuses more on sealing and support, offering minimal healing. The sect’s skills are complex, with an extremely small spellcasting range, resulting in its players falling into two extremes—either they’re incredibly skilled, capable of topping server rankings, or they’re so inept they can’t even seal a quest monster, utterly useless.

Vigorous Little Mosquito hesitated for a moment before continuing to type.

Suddenly, the yellow ropes binding Sweet Scenery vanished, and the female character sprang up from the ground, hurling a pink fireball-like skill straight at him!

Vigorous Little Mosquito was startled and immediately jumped to evade. Only after landing did he realize—he had inadvertently landed right in the fireball’s path of attack.

No, to be precise… Little Sweet Scenery had pre-calculated his positioning.

[Current] Energetic Mosquito Coil: ???

[Current] Energetic Mosquito Coil: Wait a minute…

Xiao Tianjing ignored him and instead summoned her familiar. The Fox Immortal Cave sect’s attack skills were only good for clearing mobs; real combat still relied on the familiar.

She summoned… a little white fox with a plum blossom mark on its forehead and nine tails trailing behind its rear.

The Nine-Tailed Celestial Fox, a ninth-tier divine beast, costs at least tens of thousands even at the cheapest in the exchange.

The Nine-Tailed Celestial Fox shook its tails and hurled several fireballs at Vitality Mosquito Coil, instantly halving his health bar.

[Current] Vitality Mosquito Coil: Wait!!

[Current] Vitality Mosquito Incense: Wait… Sis! I was wrong, sis!

Little Sweet Jing didn’t say a word and threw another sealing skill at him, leaving him completely immobilized, just standing there dumbly taking damage from the Nine-Tailed Fox Immortal.

In front of the computer, Jing Huan was earnestly studying the skills of the Fox Immortal Cave.

The Fox Immortal Cave only accepted female characters, which he had never played before. There were over twenty skills in total, and just the skill descriptions alone were complex enough.

[Current] Energetic Mosquito Incense: Sis, I just sold a summoning beast and have over 2,000 gold on me… I’m begging you, let me go!!

[Current] Sweet Scenery: Who are you calling sis?

[Current] Mosquito Coil: ……

Is this the same person who was just acting cute and pleading for mercy??

[Current] Energetic Mosquito Incense: Then little sister, don’t kill me—I’ll give you 500 gold, okay?

[Current]Sweet Scenery: Who needs your 500 gold?

[Current]Energetic Mosquito Coil: Yes, yes, I could tell at a glance that money means nothing to you.

[Current]Sweet Scenery: I want 1,500.

[Current] Mosquito Coil: ……

[Current]Energetic Mosquito Coil: That’s way too much, little sister!

[Current]Sweet Scenery: Didn’t you just ask me for 200 gold? [Cute]

[Current]Energetic Mosquito Coil: Of course I was joking—how could I really ask you for money? [Begging on knees]

[Current]Sweet Scenery: Cut the nonsense. Just tell me if you’re giving it or not.

Energetic Mosquito Coil gritted his teeth.

This game has a crappy setting where if you initiate a forced PK on someone and get counter-killed, not only do you lose more money and experience, but there’s also a small chance to drop the equipment you’re currently wearing.

He opened his inventory, staring at the glowing equipment on his character, and couldn’t help but feel a pang of distress—who would dare take that kind of risk?!

【Little Mosquito Coil gave you 1500 gold.】

The money was in the account, and Jing Huan flicked his fingers, summoning the fox back.

These people are always ready to kill; they must be dealt with.

He took the money and, without another word, flew straight back to the main city, leaving Yuanqi Little Mosquito Coil alone there.

Who would have thought that not long after setting off, the friend icon in the bottom right corner suddenly flickered.

[Friend] Energetic Mosquito Coil: [Sad] So this account really changed hands.

Jing Huan was taken aback, only then remembering to open his friend list. He had been busy with other things since logging in and hadn’t had time to check it.

Sure enough, Energetic Mosquito Coil was right there in his friend list.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: …How did you end up with this account as a friend?

[Friend] Energetic Mosquito Incense: I used to team up with the original owner for quests.

[Friend] Energetic Mosquito Incense: I just checked out your gameplay—definitely not something she could pull off.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: …

You were actually friends with the original account owner, yet you still robbed him and even asked him for money?!

…He should have just taken all two thousand gold coins right then and there.

[Friend] Energetic Mosquito Coil: Are you a guy?

Jing Huan’s anger instantly dissipated.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: Ah00! Where do I look like a guy? [hits your chest]

[Friend] Energetic Little Mosquito Coil: Uh. Because it’s rare to see a girl with such good skills.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: You’ve got it all wrong. Your skills really aren’t that great—lots of girls could beat you like you’re their little brother [cute]

[Friend] Energetic Mosquito Coil: ……

[Friend] Energetic Little Mosquito Incense: Sigh, actually I didn’t want to kill you just now, but I saw an elite team from the Idle Pavilion doing a mission nearby. You’d be discovered sooner or later, so I might as well earn this money. And think about it—that Idle Pavilion team has five people. No matter how strong you are, you can’t take them all on. So, in a way, I actually saved you!

[Friend] Sweet Little Jing: Alright then, since the misunderstanding is cleared up, let’s peacefully delete each other and be grateful for having known you.

[Friend] Energetic Little Mosquito Incense: No no no, I still have something to tell you.

Jing Huan took a sip of water.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: Go ahead.

[Friend] Energetic Mosquito Coil: Look, the Idle Pavilion has posted a bounty now. Your account is basically unusable—why not make a fortune off them before selling it!

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: ?

[Friend] Energized Mosquito Coil: Take off your gear and let me kill you—we’ll split the bounty 50-50, deal?

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: ??

[Friend] Vitality Little Mosquito Coil: …Then how about 30-70?

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: [Smile]

[Friend] Energetic Little Mosquito Coil: At least make me some profit, sis, 28% is fine.

[Friend] SweetScenery: Alright, but if I accidentally kill you and loot your gear, you can’t blame me. [fidgets nervously]

[Friend] MosquitoIncense: …Fine, just pretend I never said anything. [waves handkerchief]

——

A few days after moving into the new house, Jing Huan finally found time to go to the supermarket.

An empty home wouldn’t do either. After picking out daily necessities, he wandered into the food section.

Jing Huan’s mother was a chef, and growing up under her influence, he had no trouble whipping up some home-style dishes. Moreover, he had promised Gao Zixiang and the others that once they were settled in, he would invite them over for a meal at home.

Gao Zixiang called and asked, « Where are you, Huanhuan? »

Jing Huan actually didn’t like others calling him Huanhuan, as it sounded like calling a girl, but no matter how he threatened or bribed them, they just wouldn’t change, so he had to let it be.

Wait for me at the checkout counter, I’ll be in the food section.

After paying, Gao Zixiang and Lu Wenhao naturally took the bags.

« Huanhuan, is this house bought or rented? It doesn’t look like anyone has lived here before? » Upon arriving at Jing Huan’s place, Gao Zixiang looked around.

It’s rented, a new place. No one has lived here before. » Jing Huan casually put on an apron, « You guys can wait outside, the TV works.

Jing Huan casually whipped up a few home-style dishes, and after just one bite, Lu Wenhao exclaimed, « Damn! Huanhuan, why didn’t you tell me you could cook like this? Who needs a girlfriend? I should just marry you! »

Gao Zixiang: « If you want to marry her, you’ll have to ask our department’s belle first. She’s had her eye on Huanhuan for a long time. »

Jing Huan didn’t bother bantering with them. Midway through the meal, he suddenly stopped and looked at Lu Wenhao. « Hao’er, I need to ask you something. »

Lu Wenhao wiped his mouth and said, « Go ahead. »

What type of girls do you like?

Lu Wenhao paused, his expression odd, and quickly clarified, « No… Huanhuan, I was just talking nonsense earlier. I, I’m completely straight! »

« Don’t worry, even if I really wanted to be gay, I wouldn’t pick you as my partner, » Jing Huan said. « What I mean is… haven’t you had a few online relationships before? In the game, what kind of girls do you like to go for? »

Ah. » Lu Wenhao thought for a moment. « Probably a girl with a sweet voice, who loves to act cute and can sing.

Gao Zixiang’s verdict: « How basic! »

« Tch, what do you know? You’re stuck on your childhood friend for life, » Lu Wenhao retorted.

Jing Huan silently ate his meal. These three points—he seemed to fit them all quite well, didn’t he?

With a voice changer, sounding sweet wasn’t a problem; acting cute… he could learn that too; as for singing, back in middle school, he loved showing off and had even participated in the school’s Top Ten Singers competition, winning third place.

After chatting for a while, Gao Zixiang suddenly changed the subject: « By the way, Huanhuan, I won’t be able to help you wash the dishes after dinner. I have to rush back to the dorm—I promised the guild I’d join them at seven to take down the War God. »

Jing Huan raised an eyebrow: « Slay the War God? Are you trying to forge divine equipment? »

Yeah, the server-wide PK event is about to start. I want to give it another shot—if I manage to forge divine equipment, the championship is as good as mine, » Gao Zixiang sighed. « But I’m still short on a lot of crafting materials. There are three teams from our server competing this year, and everyone’s scrambling to upgrade their gear. Materials are even harder to come by… Life’s tough.

After listening, Jing Huan nodded thoughtfully: « Alright, no worries. I bought a dishwasher. »

After seeing the two off, Jing Huan returned to his computer and noticed the friend icon blinking incessantly.

[Friend] CheerfulMosquito: What’s up, sis Jing?

After that conversation, Jing Huan had planned to delete the friend, but CheerfulMosquito mentioned having an alt account in the Idle Pavilion and could help gather intel anytime. After some consideration, Jing Huan decided to keep them.

[Friend] SweetJing: Just finished eating. Need to ask you something.

[Friend] Energetic Mosquito Coil: What’s up.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: Who from our district goes to the server war every year? Heart yearning for it?

Server war, in short, is a full-server battle, an annual feast of combat. The championship rewards include a trophy, in-game title, and money.

Each server can only send one team to compete. If multiple teams from the same server sign up, they must first fight an internal battle, and the winner gets to represent their server.

[Friend] Energetic Little Mosquito: Huh? No. Heart yearning for it doesn’t participate in server wars.

Jing Huan was taken aback.

With that top-tier equipment and those elite summoned beasts, he actually doesn’t participate in the server war?

[Friend] Mosquito Incense: Heart’s Yearning fought once a few years ago and won the championship. After that, he never signed up again. In recent years, it’s been the team of Unrequited Love from our server representing us.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: Oh, I see. That’s such a pity. I think if he came to our server, he could definitely win the championship.

[Friend] Energized Mosquito Coil: Not necessarily. Being strong alone isn’t enough—King of Killers is a team game of five. Look, he doesn’t even have a guild. I’ve checked his usual leveling teammates too—they’re all just quest alts. If he wants to compete, his only option is to join the Idle Pavilion.

[Friend] Energized Mosquito Coil: Hey! Now that you mention it, do you think he stepped in last time because he wanted to join the Idle Pavilion? If that’s really the case, then you’re in trouble. Have you heard his nickname?

[Friend] Sweet Little Jing: …What nickname?

[Friend] Energized Mosquito Coil: The Fox Immortal Slayer! Once, he went to the server-wide arena for some 1v1 matches and ended up paired against the top Fox Immortal Cave player on the server. Wow… that Fox Immortal was completely outmatched, with no advantage whatsoever.

Jing Huan scoffed. That Fox Immortal Cave player was just too weak.

[Friend] SweetJing: So amazing00! As expected from a pro!

[Friend] Energized Mosquito Coil: Hehe, you bet.

[Friend] Energetic Little Mosquito Coil: By the way, little sister, have you figured it out these past few days? Do we want to make money and get rich together or not?

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: No way, that little money isn’t worth my time. [Turns head away]

Closing the chat window, Jing Huan got ready to tackle his daily quests.

[Horn] Heart’s Desire: Buying Golden Finch Feathers for 100 gold, trade directly with the Moonfall City Lord. Bulk purchases can negotiate higher prices, PM me.

The moment the announcement went out, the world instantly erupted.

[World] Destiny Peach Tea: OMG! Heart’s Desire has appeared!

[World] Fairy Mengmeng: Hehe

[World] Blossoms dazzle the eyes: Wait, isn’t the golden sparrow feather used for forging divine artifacts? The God of War already has a divine artifact, why is he still collecting these?

[World] Big Brother: Pray to God my ass, he’s just a scumbag.

…………

Meanwhile, Jing Huan’s gaze was fixed on the last two words of the announcement.

Private chat.

Private chat enabled—does this mean hearts are opening up in the friend chat?!

He tried it immediately, and sure enough, the friend request was accepted.

Even if it’s a one-sided friendship, as long as the other person is on his friend list, he can send messages.

[Friend] SweetScenery: Big bro! [Excited]

Three minutes passed with no reply.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: Big bro, answer me please. Weren’t you collecting Golden Sparrow feathers? [Pouting]

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: Trade directly with the city lord.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: Big bro, I don’t have Golden Sparrow feathers, but I have a money-making method that can earn you over a thousand gold daily!

On the other end of the computer, Xiang Huaizhi frowned slightly after reading these words.

This tone was no different from those scammers who specialized in stealing QQ accounts years ago.

Hmph, seems like a habitual fraudster.

Having gathered enough feathers, he was about to turn off the friend feature when the other party sent another message.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: The Idle Pavilion is offering a bounty on me now—100 gold per kill. I’ll strip naked for you to kill me, big bro~ [Flying Kiss]

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: ……

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: No.

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: Why not? I’m easy to kill! I won’t fight back!

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: Not short on money.

Xiang Huaizhi hesitated for a moment before typing.

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: Why do you want someone to kill you?

[Friend] SweetScenery: Ah. I didn’t ask anyone else, only you, big bro 0v0. No one else can kill me—I’m really good at running away!

[Friend] HeartSeeker: …Why me? Because you stole my monster?

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: That’s not it.

[Friend] Heart Yearns for It: ?

[Friend] Sweet Scene: Oh my, because I’m your fangirl..

[Friend] Sweet Little Scene: qaq ah, suddenly feeling so shy.

[Friend] Heart’s Desire: ……

[Friend] Sweet Scenery: I’ve watched a lot of your arena videos in private. Your skills are so cool! I started playing this game because of you. [Blushing]

Great! Perfect answer! Full marks!!

Jing Huan! You’re amazing!

Jing Huan read the message she had sent over and over again, growing more pleased with it each time.

There was no reply from the other side for a long time.

Jing Huan couldn’t help but laugh. Hah, he must be so nervous he doesn’t know how to reply.

He had to press his advantage.

Although I bought an account with… not the best reputation, and it cost me most of my allowance—meaning I’ll be living on instant noodles for a while—just seeing your presence in the game makes it all worth it~

Oh my god.

What a heart-touching speech.

Jing Huan moved herself to tears.

He thought for a moment and added a cute game emoji at the end of the sentence.

Perfect! Sent!

As he pressed the key, a line of yellow text popped up—

The player yearns for it and refuses to receive the message, sending failed.

Jing Huan: « ??? »

Jing Huan: « … »