Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating - Chapter 04

As soon as these two announcements blasted out, the world became even livelier—some munched on melon seeds to enjoy the drama, while others cursed « Don’t You Frown » for being shameless.

[Announcement] Lovesick Recklessness: Starting today, there’s a server-wide bounty on ‘Don’t You Frown.’ 100 gold per kill, 1,200 gold for ten kills. Bring me screenshots to claim your reward.

Wow.

Jing Huan, safely tucked away in the safe zone while grinding dailies, couldn’t help but marvel—what a fortune.

The game « Nine Heroes » features three types of zones: Arena, Combat Zones, and Safe Zones.

In the Arena, you can challenge any individual or team inside, with no penalties upon death—it’s a practice scenario.

Each wilderness map and a few small towns are Combat Zones, where you can forcibly challenge any individual or team, but death results in loss of money and experience.

Safe Zones, as the name suggests, ensure you won’t suffer any attacks as long as you stay within their designated maps.

The Nine Heroes have nine major cities in total, among which only three are safe zones. Dungeons, high-experience scenarios, and event NPCs are mostly found in the wild.

If he wanted to avoid the fight, then he couldn’t even grind for experience.

Killing him once earned a hundred gold, equivalent to a hundred yuan—for many players, it was like money falling from the sky. Jing Huan could easily imagine how lively the world chat must be right now.

Others might have chosen to relist the character on the exchange and buy another account. After all, this one was being hunted by the entire server, and the next week would likely be anything but peaceful.

But Jing Huan wouldn’t.

The account was bought with his hard-earned money, and he hadn’t done anything wrong. Why should he go through all the trouble again because of some petty grudges?

Besides, he had just logged in and was immediately killed, sending him back to the respawn point. He still remembered that debt and was determined to make those people pay.

Jinghuan casually set up his character to sell some cheap miscellaneous items at the entrance of the sundry shop, then minimized the game window and reopened the exchange.

Originally, he wasn’t in a hurry to buy equipment, but given the current situation, upgrading his stats had become a necessity.

Jing Huan came from a well-off family, receiving over thirty thousand in monthly allowances from home. Since Liang Ran covered most of his expenses like shoes and clothes, he hardly spent much. Over two or three years, he had saved up a considerable sum.

So when it came to buying equipment, he was quite confident in his financial ability.

After browsing the marketplace, he opened the game interface and was startled by the scene inside.

His stall was surrounded by a massive crowd, so large that it even caused noticeable lag in his game interface.

[Current] The Wind-Chasing Youth: Guess what she’s doing right now?

[Current] Destiny Peach Oolong: Probably checking out guild info to pick her next target. All guilds, keep an eye on your leaders these days—don’t let her scam you out of your pants.

[Current] Big Bro or Not: I’m waiting in line, holding a « Kill You, Don’t Frown » number tag.

[Current] The Wind is Freer Than Me: Short on cash for gems lately, bros—mind not sniping them from me?

The players were chatting lively in the current channel, the dialogue box filling up the game interface, and Jing Huan leisurely watched for a while.

[Current] Destiny’s Peach Blossom: Speaking of which, I really want to hear the sound of you not frowning. I heard it’s especially sweet, like a loli voice.

[Current] Wind Chaser: Really fake? But then again, if the voice isn’t pleasant, there’s no way to deceive men.

[Current] Don’t Ask When I’ll Return: Come on, I’m setting up a bet—will you sell your account within a week without frowning? Odds: 0.3 for yes, 3.6 for no.

[Current] Brother Big or Not: 0.3 odds? That’s ridiculously low! I’ll bet on yes, 500 gold.

[Current] Sweet Scenery: I bet on no, 1000 gold.

The speech bubbles vanished in an instant.

A few seconds later.

[Current] Wind Chaser: ??

[Current] No Return Date: ???

[Current] Destiny Peach Tea: Holy moly, you’re really pressure-proof. Clearly someone destined for greatness. You should join a pro League of Legends team as a top laner.

[Current] Sweet Scene: Flattery will get you nowhere. I won’t be leaving the safe zone for now, so you all don’t need to crowd around here. It’s really disrupting my business.

[Current] Bu Qi: …What kind of business?

[Current] Sweet Scenery: Check the stall yourself. I’ve got everything—enhancement stones, transformation cards, disassembly talismans.

[Current] No Return Date: Seriously? Your prices are outrageous! Even worse than the merchants!

[Current] Little Sweet Scene: Buy if you want, or get lost if you don’t.

[Current] No Return Date: …

Jing Huan let out a mocking laugh and was about to type when a message suddenly popped up in the crowd—

[Current] Destiny Peach Tea: Brothers and sisters, quick! Move to another battlefield! Xian Mengmeng has posted a scathing thread about Heart’s Yearning on the forum!!

A single spark can start a prairie fire.

Before Jing Huan could react, the people around him vanished one after another in a flash, leaving him alone in front of the grocery store.

His gaze shifted and lingered on the name « Fairy Mengmeng, » his eyes icy cold.

Some time ago, it was this Fairy Mengmeng who kept spamming loudspeakers and flooding the world chat, forcing Liang Ran to quit the game and leave the country.

He packed up his stall and flew to the side of the forum NPC.

Jing Huan wasn’t actually someone who loved gossip. A few years ago, he couldn’t have imagined himself visiting the drama-filled forums twice a day.

The post Xian Mengmeng made was titled, « Xin Xiangwangzhi, I Misjudged You. »

Upon opening it, he was met with dense, overly sentimental text that amounted to at least three thousand words—yet the actual substance was minimal.

It recounted her offline meeting with Xin Xiangwangzhi. She claimed that his real-life age didn’t match what he had stated in-game, that she had paid for both the plane tickets and hotel, and that even during their time together, he had used the excuse of his card limit to get her to cover their meals and entertainment expenses.

The most crucial part is—right after their first offline meeting, Heart’s Desire started ignoring her in the game and even blocked her on WeChat and phone.

Classic hit-it-and-quit-it behavior!

Opinions were divided in the comments under the post.

1st comment: I find this hard to believe. Would Heart’s Desire really be stingy about hotel and flight expenses?

3l: I also think it’s quite fake…

5l: If you don’t know what’s going on, then stop talking nonsense, okay? Patting Mengmeng.

6th floor: Is the friend squad sick? Not letting people speak, then why did she even come to the forum?

32nd floor: I actually think what the OP said is true. Heart’s Desire is really scummy. Almost all the girls around me have been hit on by him, even married women weren’t spared.

39th floor: Didn’t Heart’s Desire cheat not long ago? The other person was someone named Ran Xin.

76th floor: Having money is great. I want to be a scumbag too.

88l: Isn’t this just typical tricking someone into sex?!

Of course, he’s a scumbag, otherwise he wouldn’t have pursued Liang Ran while already having a girlfriend.

Jing Huan found it dull halfway through and closed the forum directly, planning to take advantage of everyone being busy gossiping to go to the wild map NC and pick up a quest.

To improve account attributes, not only does it require money, but also a massive amount of experience to raise the equipment attribute cap. Relying solely on the few daily quests in the safe zone is far from enough.

Just as he approached the quest NPC, he noticed a shiny object flickering in the upper right corner of the game interface.

It was the flashy special effect of a divine artifact. Upon seeing it clearly, Jing Huan couldn’t help but be shocked—after all, years ago in his server, divine artifacts were something you could only see in the official website descriptions. Back then, Nine Heroes had been running for over five years, and not a single player had managed to forge one.

After all, to forge a divine artifact, you must be strong enough to slay the God of War, afford the crafting materials, and have the luck to succeed in one attempt.

Many people can’t even pass the first hurdle. Jing Huan once killed the God of War too, sitting at his computer for eight hours straight without eating or drinking, exhausting all his potions before finally succeeding—only to craft the trashiest of trash, which left him too furious to eat for an entire week.

He immediately closed the NPC’s dialogue window and rushed toward that flicker of black light. Since the other player was also doing a field quest and currently helping the NPC weed, Jing Huan only needed to take a couple of steps before clearly seeing their in-game character.

A back view.

The male character is dressed in the latest black ancient-style robe, with fiery red hair that highlights his demon clan identity, wielding a dark and shadowy longsword—a striking appearance no matter where he stands.

Below the name is the title, just two words—War God.

Below are the character names.

Longing for it in one’s heart.

Longing for it?!

Jing Huan immediately straightened up in his seat. He saw Heart’s Desire standing still for a moment before suddenly crouching down to pull weeds.

Jing Huan was astonished—seriously? The forums have already hung you out to dry, and you still have the nerve to weed someone’s garden?

Truly the demeanor of a scoundrel—unshakable composure. You’ve got to hand it to him.

However, this was precisely the opportunity Jing Huan had been waiting for. In fact, the first step in his plan after buying the account was to add Heart’s Desire as a friend.

It’s not too late now. He clicked on the dialog box he had longed for and pressed the « Add Friend » option.

« The other party has temporarily disabled the friend request feature, so the addition failed. »

Jing Huan was amused. He had been playing Nine Heroes for over six years, and this was the first time he’d heard of such a ridiculous setting in the game.

He opened the current channel and was about to speak when a line of yellow text suddenly popped up on the interface.

【Mosquito Coil initiated a forced kiss on you.】

Jing Huan reacted swiftly, leaping aside to dodge the attack skill flying toward him from behind. The words he hadn’t finished typing were accidentally sent due to a slip of his hand.

[Current] Little Sweet Jing: Brother z?

The man attacking him paused for a moment.

[Current] Vitality Mosquito Coil: Big brother is here, little sister, prepare to meet your doom!

…Where did this idiot come from.

Jing Huan frowned, gathering energy for a counterattack skill, but suddenly remembered something at the last moment. Following his thoughts, he slid the mouse to the right and canceled the spell.

[Current] Sweet Scene: Are you here to kill me too, tvt?

[Current] Vitality Mosquito Coil: Duh, who wouldn’t want to kill you right now?

After saying that, Vitality Mosquito Coil threw another skill at him, and Jing Huan dodged it again.

[Current] Sweet Scenery: Waaah, I just bought this account and didn’t do anything wrong. Why do you have to kill me?

Vitality Mosquito Coil watched as she dodged every single skill with ease while still whimpering « waaah, » leaving them utterly speechless.

[Current] Vitality Little Mosquito Incense: Little sister, don’t run away. If I don’t kill you, someone else will. Let’s keep the benefits within our own circle.

[Current] Sweet Scenery: I just topped up 200 gold, which is my allowance for the whole week. If I die, I’ll lose it all qaq. Could you please spare me this once?

[Current] Energized Mosquito Coil: No way.

Jing Huan dodged while searching for someone. By the time he finished dealing with this fool, Heart’s Yearning had long vanished to some corner to continue weeding.

He remembered this quest required weeding three times to complete—was what he just saw the final round?

After using twelve jumps, he finally spotted the man wielding the divine artifact in a corner.

His heart yearned for it, but now he was no longer weeding; instead, he was on another task—clearing out monsters.

Feeling like he’d milked the pity act enough, Jing Huan typed.

[Current] Sweet Little Scene: Big Brother War God, save me tvt!

With a heart set on casting spells to slay monsters, he didn’t even turn his head.

[Current] Sweet Jing: Is Brother War God around?

The spirited Little Mosquito Incense rushed to the scene and, upon seeing this, couldn’t help but feel a bit flustered—could Heart’s Yearning really be trying to snatch this hundred gold from him?

Although a hundred gold was nothing more than a drop in the bucket for Heart’s Desire, if they wanted to kill Little Sweet Jing, it would be as easy as lifting a finger. It was practically giving it away for free!

Thinking this, Vigorous Little Mosquito Incense sped up the rate at which he threw out skills. Jing Huan hopped around Heart’s Desire, completely unharmed, and even found time to type.

[Current] Little Sweet Jing: Big brother War God, please help me. I’ll give you all 200 gold I have [crying][crying]

[Current] Vitality Mosquito Coil: Damn, killing you only costs me 50 bucks! You’re running at a loss with this business, aren’t you?!

[Current] Sweet Scenery: But I still lose experience points, and experience is more precious than money [fidgets with fingers]

[Current] Mosquito Coil: Then just give me the 200 gold directly, and I won’t kill you, okay?

[Current] Sweet Scenery: No way! You’re such a big meanie!

[Current] Mosquito Coil: ……

Jing Huan was tired of hiding, but Heart’s Yearning still hadn’t made a move.

Didn’t you see it? That’s odd. According to reason, the spot he chose was just right—Xin Xiangwangzhi should have been able to see their conversation.

He hesitated for a moment, then turned his gaze toward the group of wild monsters.

The little mosquito spirit was exhausted from spamming skills. Just as it was about to type out a curse, it saw the delicate and slender female character roll on the ground, finally unleashing her first attack skill in several minutes.

But the skill wasn’t aimed at him.

A fine net shot straight to the right, beautifully hitting the wild monster that Heart’s Desire had been fighting for two minutes, dealing 79 damage and causing the monster to fall with a thud.

[Nameless City] Player Sweet Scenery successfully defeated the Roadblock Bandit and found the rare treasure ‘Treasure Map’ on their body!

Jing Huan: « … »

This wild monster has a special restriction—no matter how high a player’s attack attribute is, it can only deal minimal damage. This is also the reason why Heart’s Yearning lingered here for two minutes.

In the end, it was killed by Jing Huan’s Heaven’s Net attack, which dealt 79 damage.

They returned the rarest « treasure map » in this illustration. Most players who took on this quest came specifically for this treasure.

Moreover, this item is bound and cannot be traded—it can only be obtained.

Heart’s Yearning finally showed a reaction at this moment. He took a small step forward but then stopped in place again.

[Current] Vitality Mosquito Coil: ..

[Current] Energetic Little Mosquito Coil: Honestly, I think you’re even worse than me.

Jing Huan regretted it; he should have just sent this chatterbox back to the respawn point earlier.

[Current]SweetJing: Ahhh…

[Current]SweetJing: OMG tvt!

[Current] SweetJing: Brother, I didn’t mean to, my skill missed the target tvt

No response.

Jing Huan clicked his tongue in annoyance. What’s wrong with this guy? He’s already acting like this tvt, and yet not a single word in reply?

Just as Vigorous Little Mosquito Coil threw another skill at him, Jing Huan was about to move when a line of text popped up on the screen.

Player Heart’s Yearning has used the Immortal-Binding Rope on you.

???

Jing Huan could only watch helplessly as the Binding Immortal Rope restrained her in place, forcing her to endure the full brunt of Yuan Qi Xiao Wenxiang’s ultimate move, losing 20 HP.

[Current] Little Sweet Scenery: ?

[Current] Sweet Scenery: Bro?

Heart’s Yearning turned around, his longsword glinting coldly in his hand.

[Current] Heart’s Yearning: Don’t be a scammer in your next life.

After saying this, the man cast a spell for three seconds on the spot and left the wild map.

？

?!

Jing Huan froze for a few seconds before belatedly feeling a surge of anger—

Damn it?!

How dare you, this scumbag, have the nerve to criticize me?!