Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating - Chapter 03

To avoid disrupting the in-game economy across different regions, « Nine Heroes » does not offer server transfer services. A character is bound to the server where it was created. If a server becomes overcrowded, the official team will close its registration channel. This rule is an outlier among similar games, yet remarkably, after a decade of operation, « Nine Heroes » has not seen a single inactive server.

Beyond that, there are few restrictions—you can switch factions, alter appearances, or even redesign your character’s facial features.

Money talks.

Since there was ample room for improvement, Jing Huan prioritized a character’s cultivation points and basic skills when selecting an account—after all, these required not just money but also considerable time investment.

Jing Huan didn’t suffer from decision paralysis. After comparing options for about ten minutes, he settled on an account priced at thirty-five thousand—a bare account with no equipment or pets included.

It suited him perfectly; he enjoyed the gradual sense of growing stronger step by step.

The payment took only half a minute.

The system needs time to transfer data, and you won’t be able to log in normally until half an hour later. During this downtime, Jing Huan opened the StarTV live stream and saw that the only streamer he followed was broadcasting. He found the person from his friend list and sent a message.

Tian Tian Kai Xin: Xiao Yan, are you free?

yanxyan: Yes, what’s up?

After graduating from high school, Jing Huan had nothing better to do, so he often played PUBG with Gao Zixiang and the others. Occasionally, he would watch live streams, and the streamer he watched the most was yanxyan, generously showering them with many gifts.

The two became friends because of money.

yanxyan: Wanna play? I’ve got three people here, perfect for a four-player squad.

Happy Everyday: Nah. I want to buy a voice changer, but the reviews on those Taobao shops aren’t great. Any recommendations?

yanxyan: Voice changer? What kind are you looking for?

Happy Everyday: One that can turn me into a loli voice, the kind that makes people cringe back three kilometers the moment I speak.

yanxyan: ……

yanxyan: ……This is a bit tricky, might need to get a sound card too. I know a few friends, let me ask around for you.

Happy Everyday: Alright, waiting for your update. Thanks.

yanxyan: No problem.

Not long after, the other party sent over the shop’s address. Jing Huan clicked in, too lazy to even glance at the product description, and directly bought the most expensive model available.

The customer service representative had seen it all before. Without a word, they remotely accessed his system and quickly adjusted his sound card settings.

Jing Huan connected his thousand-dollar microphone for a test and gave it a satisfied five-star rave review.

Now, only the final step remains—the face.

Like other online games, Nine Heroes has a character customization system. Although Jing Huan hadn’t seen what the new character looked like, a fresh start calls for a complete makeover to ensure an enjoyable gaming experience.

He opened the search bar, typed in « Nine Heroes character customization data, » picked the store with the highest ratings, and directly messaged their customer service.

Always Happy: You there?

Customer Service Chick: Yes, dear [blowing kiss], Customer Service Chick at your service.

Happy Every Day: Your username isn’t very appropriate, is it?

Customer Service Chick: …You’re overthinking it~ How may I assist you?

Happy every day: Make me a face.

Customer Service Chick: Okay dear, do you have any requirements or references?

Jing Huan didn’t have any requirements. He thought for a moment and typed.

Happy Every Day: I want a face that makes any man want to marry me at first sight.

Customer Service Rep Chick: ……

If I had that kind of skill, would I still be running this lousy Taobao shop?

Customer Service Rep Chick: Dear, could you be a bit more specific?

Happy every day: Alright then, I want something cute and lively yet sexy and alluring—not too youthful, but not too mature either. A touch of dreaminess would be perfect. Feel free to improvise with the rest.

The customer service rep on the other end of the computer took a deep breath, then turned and angrily punched the stress-relief toy next to the mouse a few times.

Customer Service Chick: Sweetie, we’re so sorry, but we probably can’t meet your request. No worries though! Taobao has many other amazing sellers—we recommend checking out this shop instead.

The customer service rep swiftly sent over the link to their rival’s store.

Jing Huan contacted four customer services in a row before finally finding a shop willing to take the order.

After spending 999 yuan to customize a face, Jing Huan opened the game with satisfaction.

Upon entering the character selection screen, he made sure to examine the facial features of the avatar.

To be honest, it was quite good-looking—one could tell the original owner had some taste. Even the in-game name was poetic: « Don’t You Frown. »

Jing Huan withdrew his gaze and entered the game.

A slender and beautiful character appeared by the Bianliang River.

The Bianliang River was a low-level wilderness map where few players bothered to kill the monsters. Small creatures were everywhere, and Jing Huan had barely taken two steps before triggering a battle.

The account he bought belonged to the Putuo Mountain faction, a fairy race healer. Since fairy female characters were more aesthetically pleasing and the faction’s skills were straightforward with minimal required actions, Putuo Mountain naturally became the top choice for many female players.

But the monster spawning rate on Putuo Mountain was slow, leaving very little room for maneuver during PK, so Jing Huan never liked this sect.

He let out a soft « tsk, » cast a skill to eliminate two monsters, and prepared to use another skill to return to his home sect.

[Xiangsi Bugou has initiated a forced PK against you.]

A talisman descended from the sky—it was the Human race’s sect skill, the Sealing Talisman.

Jing Huan was startled but reacted swiftly, dodging the talisman in the nick of time.

Just as he moved to another spot, a large net closed in on him. Caught off guard, Jing Huan was trapped firmly within its grasp.

Several figures appeared before him, their weapons gleaming—clear indicators of high-grade equipment. Among them, two crowd-control specialists were still charging up their sealing techniques.

[Current] Don’t You Frown: ??

[Current] Relentless Longing: Trash, back again looking for death?

The other party immediately lashed out with harsh words. Jing Huan quickly realized it was likely old grudges from the original owner of the account.

[Current] Don’t You Frown: The account has changed hands.

[Current] Relentless Longing: Pulling this trick again? You think we’re all fools? Falling for your lies every time?

[Current] Don’t frown:……

If it weren’t for the fact that this account still had some special uses and needed to maintain its image, he would have cursed out loud.

[Current] Don’t frown: I bought it half an hour ago, 35k, with purchase records.

[Current] Relentless Love: When have you ever had a purchase record? Let me tell you, as long as I, Relentless Love, am in this zone for a day, you’ll never step out of the safe zone!

Jing Huan wanted to say more, but the opponent had already swung their whip at him.

There were five people standing opposite him, and the account he bought was practically empty—hardly able to withstand a few hits.

Damn it.

Jing Huan straightened up and skillfully utilized the universal moves available to every character—rolling, jumping, and ascending—dodging each of their attacks one by one.

[Current] Don’t frown: You t…

[Current] Don’t frown: Can’t you be reasonable?!!

[Current] Lovesick Without Regard: I have nothing reasonable to say to a liar like you.

[Current] Don’t frown: No, this account really changed hands… What do I have to say for you to believe me?!

Just as he finished typing this line, Jing Huan accidentally hit the wrong key.

Damn it.

On the game screen, his frail character took a brutal axe hit, leaving his health bar with just a sliver remaining.

[Current] Xiangsi Bugur: Either pay back the money or die until you delevel—your choice.

With that, the opponent pressed their advantage, and Jing Huan stopped resisting, soon getting killed back to the respawn point.

Before he could even process this absurd death, a massive server announcement popped up in the bottom-left corner.

[Horn] Lovesickness Regardless: The Idle Pavilion’s 24-hour hunt is on. Don’t frown—old rules apply. Those teaming up with her for dungeons, accidental kills won’t be compensated.

What’s going on?!

Jing Huan stood at the respawn point lost in thought for a moment, then mounted her steed and galloped toward the direction of the forum’s NC.

Where there are people, there is the martial world—even in Nine Heroes’ game universe, it’s a miniature version. Likewise, with the martial world comes friction, and the most well-informed place for such drama and gossip is none other than the forums.

Jing Huan scrolled down a page and found a post about herself… or rather, about this account.

[Xianren Guild’s Full-Server Hunt for the Female Scammer « Don’t You Frown ».]

Jing Huan skimmed through it and finally understood why enemies had come knocking so soon after logging in.

The original owner of the account was a scammer. Two years ago, she first deceived the leader of a small guild, cleaned out their account, and even siphoned off the guild’s funds. When the scandal broke, she listed the account on the exchange and walked away without a second thought.

But the story didn’t end there. Less than half a month later, the account was bought by someone who claimed to be a wealthy, beautiful returnee from overseas, looking for a powerful guild to team up for dungeons and PvP. She quickly joined the server’s top guild, the Idle Pavilion, and successfully wooed one of the guild’s top players. The two got married and lived happily for over half a year. However, when the guild leader returned from a business trip, he found not only his account cleaned out but also that his « little wife » had borrowed a significant amount of money and equipment from the guild members in his name before vanishing without a trace again.

It wasn’t until someone noticed that the bank card number she borrowed money with was identical to the original account holder’s that everyone realized—this account had never changed hands from the very beginning!

Seeing this, even Jing Huan couldn’t help but admire it.

With such skills, what couldn’t you do?

Not only scamming money but also playing with emotions—this incident enraged the big shots of the Idle Pavilion. The entire gang of two hundred members began camping the target around the clock. After being killed twice, « Don’t You Frown » once again listed their account on the trading platform.

Unable to swallow this humiliation, Idle Pavilion spammed countless server-wide announcements and forum posts, declaring that anyone who dared to buy the account—regardless of whether it changed hands—would be hunted down without mercy. This led to the account becoming unsellable for a while, its price dropping repeatedly until it finally found an unlucky buyer who purchased it blindly—

which turned out to be himself.

No wonder the account price is so low.

Jing Huan pulled the thread to the last page with an expressionless face, only to see the latest reply written above—

1932l: This server has two notorious scumbag women—one is « Don’t You Frown, » and the other is Ran Xin. These two could form a despicable duo and debut.

Jing Huan memorized the ID of the thread’s original poster.

The person who didn’t even flinch when killed just moments ago now wishes they could reach through the screen and beat the living daylights out of the opponent.

Thirty consecutive voice messages poured in relentlessly, setting the world channel abuzz.

[World]FlowerBlind: What’s going on? Is « Don’t You Frown » making a comeback? Ran out of the money you scammed last time?

[World]DestinedPeachTea: Let me see which guild is about to suffer this time!

[World] Wind-Chasing Youth: Long live lovesickness!

[World] The Wind is Freer Than Me: Seriously, frowning lady, why torture yourself like this? Can’t you just start over with a new account? Must you insist on dying on this one?

[World] Destiny’s Peach Oolong: Damn it, shut up upstairs! Don’t give reckless advice! What if she actually listens to you!

…………

The world channel was bustling with noise, the scrolling speed so fast that not a single sentence could be clearly read.

It took players a long while to react, long after the system announcement in yellow font had scrolled past.

[System Announcement: Player « Don’t You Frown » has used a Name Change Stone to change their name to « Sweet Scenery. » From now on, player « Don’t You Frown » will officially be known as « Sweet Scenery. »]

[World] Destiny Peach Tea: ???

[World]Dazzling Blossoms: ??

[World]WindFreerThanMe: ???

[Megaphone]SweetScenery: Last warning—this account has changed hands. Hunt me if you dare; I’ll gladly oblige.

The moment the server-wide megaphone was sent, Jing Huan regretted it.

Does this tone sound too much like a drag queen?

So, while everyone was still in shock, he quickly followed up with another announcement.

[Announcement] Sweet Scenery: qaq Of course, it’s best if we can avoid fighting—harmony forever!