Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating - Chapter 01
As Jing Huan stepped out of the airport, a gust of wind happened to blow, smacking him right in the face.
He looked up—the sky had already darkened. The weather forecast that morning had issued a warning that a typhoon would make landfall by evening, and the winds in Man City were already picking up.
In this kind of weather, flights are basically grounded.
But his cousin still insisted on booking a ticket to the U.S., saying she couldn’t stand staying a moment longer. She’d fly today if possible, and if not, she’d stay at the airport’s arranged hotel.
Jing Huan had just gotten into the car when her phone rang.
« Huanhuan, has your sister left? » It was her roommate, Gao Zixiang.
Jing Huan found everything grating to the ears now: « Your sister just left. »
Gao Zixiang: « …Don’t be so sensitive, alright? I meant, did your sister really go to the U.S.? »
A light rain began to fall outside. Jing Huan watched the raindrops on the car window and gave a sullen « Mhm. »
Gao Zixiang: « Sigh, your sister really had it rough. But if you ask me, it’s not worth it. What happens online stays online—unplug the cable, and who knows who anymore? Going abroad over something like this is just not worth it. »
Just thinking about the reason his cousin left, Jing Huan was filled with anger: ‘Do you really have to bring up those idiots in the game right now?’
‘No, no.’ Knowing better than to provoke someone who dotes on his sister, and aware of his bad mood, Gao Zixiang quickly stopped and changed the subject. ‘Alright, hurry back to the dorm after dropping her off. There’s another injured soul in our dorm today, and I can’t handle it alone.’
Jing Huan frowned: ‘Who’s injured?’
‘There are only three of us in the dorm. Who else could it be?’
As Gao Zixiang finished speaking, a sniffling sound resembling a pig’s squeal came from beside him. He quickly said, « Oh dear, Hao’er, stop crying. Wipe your tears first. »
Recognizing it was his other roommate Lu Wenhao’s voice, Jing Huan started the car and asked, « What’s wrong, Hao’er? »
« It’s a long story. Just come back first, » Gao Zixiang replied.
Lu Wenhao sniffled and said, « Buy some liquor on your way back, Jing Huan. »
After parking the car, Jing Huan ducked into the nearby convenience store. Knowing the drinking capacity of those two, he bought three bottles of beer, hid them under his clothes, and headed back to the dorm.
Just as he opened the dorm door but hadn’t stepped in yet, he heard Lu Wenhao’s wail from inside, « Why would he do this to me?! »
« What did she do to you? » Jing Huan pushed the door open and walked in.
Lu Wenhao was sitting in the middle of the dorm, a box of tissues on his lap, genuinely crying.
Gao Zixiang was racking his brains when he saw him, as if spotting a savior, and immediately sprang up from his chair. « You’re finally back. »
Jing Huan closed the door and handed him the plastic bag. « What’s going on? »
Gao Zixiang looked at Lu Wenhao. « Should you tell it, or should I? »
Lu Wenhao was a bit chubby, and his face was red from crying: « I won’t tell! I won’t tell! »
Alright, alright, I’ll talk! Stop crying! » Gao Zixiang sighed. « Remember Hao’er’s online girlfriend?
…They were on call 24/7. I even dreamed of hearing them flaunt their love at night. Do you think I could forget? » Jing Huan paused. « What, did they break up?
Gao Zixiang nodded solemnly.
I thought it was something serious… » Jing Huan relaxed and started taking off his jacket. « Don’t cry, Hao’er. It’s just a breakup. Men shouldn’t shed tears so easily.
« It’s not just about that, » Gao Zixiang said with an awkward expression. « You should know how much Hao’er has spent on that online love interest in the game, right? »
Lu Wenhao played a game called « Nine Heroes, » a legendary title that had been popular for a decade, notorious for being both time-consuming and expensive. Jing Huan had played it a few years back and knew that even a single in-game outfit could cost upwards of a thousand bucks.
Every day, he’d hear that girl asking Lu Wenhao for in-game outfits via voice messages. Lu Wenhao was generous by nature, and she almost always got what she wanted.
« It’s just an in-game outfit—how much could it cost? » To console his roommate, Jing Huan tried to downplay the matter as much as possible.
Lu Wenhao choked up and said, « I’ve been the one helping her with her cultivation points for the past six months. »
Jing Huan replied, « …Well, that’s not too bad, just a few thousand. »
Lu Wenhao’s sobs grew louder, « Out of the eight purple-tier items she has, I bought six for her, and even upgraded one with fifteen-tier gems. »
Jing Huan was speechless, « … »
Jing Huan went up and patted his shoulder: « Hao’er, we need to act like men. We absolutely can’t stoop to the petty act of breaking up and then settling scores with an ex. »
Lu Wenhao had just started to calm down, but at the mention, that surge of emotion came rushing back: « Of course I won’t! Do you think I’m crying over the money?! I’m crying because he lied to me! I’m crying over the sincerity and love I poured out over these past six months! »
Jing Huan asked, « What did she lie to you about? »
Gao Zixiang couldn’t take it anymore: « That person is a man. »
« Ah, what’s the big deal? It’s just a guy… » Jing Huan was halfway through comforting him when he suddenly stopped.
Lu Wenhao: « Waaahhh— »
Jing Huan froze: « A guy?! »
Gao Zixiang: « Don’t repeat it a second time, can’t you see our dorm building is about to be flooded? »
No way… » Jing Huan was stunned. « That voice… could it belong to a man?!
He had heard Lu Wenhao voice-chatting with his online girlfriend before. The girl’s voice was sweet and syrupy, every sentence ending with a lingering tone, as if coated in sugar. When she whined, it sent shivers down his spine.
It’s a voice changer, » Gao Zixiang said. « This morning, his girlfriend probably forgot to turn it on and used her male voice to ask him for new in-game outfits. Hearing her act cute nearly killed me on the spot… That voice was even deeper than Old Yan’s, sounded like it belonged to someone well over thirty.
Old Yan was their college advisor.
Lu Wenhao choked up with sobs.
Jing Huan was momentarily at a loss for words. « You never video-called? »
No, we only exchanged photos, » Lu Wenhao said. « He admitted they were fake.
Jing Huan: « … »
At this point, how can that scammer still deny it?!
« You never even turned on the video, yet you recharged so much money for them? »
« That’s pretty normal. » Gao Zixiang popped open a beer and handed it to Lu Wenhao. « Isn’t the whole point of online dating the anticipation and fantasy before meeting? It’s just Hao’er’s bad luck to run into someone this ruthless right away. I thought the worst would be sending fake photos… »
Lu Wenhao sniffled. « It’s not even about the money. I just feel awful—and disgusted! They even deleted my account! »
Gao Zixiang was shocked upon hearing this: « Deleted?! Have you lost your mind, Hao’er?! »
Just deleted the account, but kept the equipment and pets. » Lu Wenhao wiped his tears. « You have no idea, my account had a couple name with his, and we even bound as Eternal Lovers.
Gao Zixiang: « … »
Eternal Lovers is a marriage system in « Nine Heroes. » After getting married, male and female players can apply for a bond at the Matchmaker’s place. Once bonded, the marriage relationship between the two game accounts is permanently retained unless the accounts are put up for sale or deletion is requested.
Gao Zixiang said, « Forget it, Hao’er. Consider this a lesson for yourself—we don’t jump into the same pit twice. From now on, no more online relationships, and never let yourself be fooled again! »
Lu Wenhao asked tearfully, « If I don’t do online relationships, what’s even the point of playing games? »
Who says you can’t play games without online relationships? » Gao Zixiang retorted. « I’ve played ‘Nine Heroes’ for years and never gotten married once.
Lu Wenhao: « That’s because you have a childhood sweetheart girlfriend! »
Gao Zixiang choked for a moment, then turned his gaze to the person beside him. « Look at Huanhuan, he played ‘Nine Heroes’ for years too, and he never got into an online romance, did he? »
« If I were as handsome as Jing Huan and had so many girls chasing me, who’d bother with online romance? Besides, he was still in high school when he played—too busy with studies. And what’s wrong with online romance? Look at Jing Huan’s cousin, she’s gorgeous and has great qualities, yet she’s in an online romance too… » Lu Wenhao trailed off mid-sentence.
Gao Zixiang massaged his temples in frustration.
Well, that was a landmine.
Jing Huan listened in silence, making no reaction or sound.
Lu Wenhao: « No, Huanhuan, I just said it without thinking. I’ve had such a bad day today, can you let it slide? »
Jing Huan snapped out of it and suddenly pulled a chair over to sit beside Lu Wenhao: « Hao’er, are you really feeling that awful right now? »
Lu Wenhao was taken aback: « Wh-what? »
Jing Huan thought for a moment: « If I gave you two choices—one, getting catfished by a guy online, or two, having your account permanently banned due to a bug—which would you pick? »
Two?! » Lu Wenhao looked utterly baffled. « Why are you asking that?
Just got scammed in an online romance—is it really that painful? Could it be worse than losing your account?
Jing Huan hugged the back of his chair, lost in thought.
Gao Zixiang vaguely sensed something was amiss: « Huanhuan, what are you up to? »
The phone on the table suddenly beeped. Lu Wenhao picked it up and glanced at it, nearly choking on his breath before pressing his philtrum in shock.
The two quickly stepped forward to steady him as Jing Huan took his phone to look.
[Sweetheart: Honey, I’ve been thinking all noon and still feel so heartbroken. I truly like you, but it seems our fate ends here [crying rabbit emoji]]
[Sweetheart: Let me send you my real photo. I hope you’ll always remember this silly boy, gently watching over you from somewhere on Earth.]
Little baby: [Picture]
In the photo, the middle-aged man had gained some weight, with a small patch of white at his crown, tears welling in his eyes as he gazed affectionately at the camera.
Jing Huan: « … »
Gao Zixiang: ‘Fuck! This is inhuman! Adding insult to injury! Hao’er, Hao’er, hang in there!’
This wave of photo attacks took half of Lu Wenhao’s life.
He jolted up from his deathbed: ‘I’m gonna delete him from my friends list! I’m abandoning this QQ account! It’s tainted now!’
Jing Huan was preoccupied with thoughts, but upon hearing this, he quickly reached out to stop him: « Wait, Hao’er, I have something to say to him. »
Lu Wenhao was moved: « What’s wrong, Huanhuan? Are you going to help me roast him? »
« Why bother cursing? It’s not worth wasting time on people like that. » Jing Huan took the phone and started typing away furiously.
Gao Zixiang leaned in to look, « Then why did you take Hao’er’s phone? »
【Little darling: Hao Hao baby, why aren’t you replying to me…】
[lwh: You there?]
【Little treasure: ovo baby! I’m here!】
【lwh: Send me the voice changer link.】
Gao Zixiang: « … »
Gao Zixiang: « ? »
