Hidden Affection - Chapter 14

Ning Zhi lay on the ** in the lounge, tossing and turning restlessly, unable to sleep soundly, just like the night when Chi Sheng first met Ruan Yinmeng.

But it wasn’t because of the stuffy weather.

A long time ago, she often lay on the windowsill waiting for Shen Yizhi to come home.

Back then, she was eight or nine years old, and Shen Yizhi had evening self-study sessions, getting home close to eleven o’clock.

She always waited until very late.

Grandma of course wanted to stop her, scaring her by saying that children who don’t sleep well won’t grow tall, and that she would watch her sleep in her room.

Ning Zhi couldn’t resist the sleepiness and fell asleep every night.

Until one drizzly night, the air was cool, and Ning Zhi woke up somehow while sleeping.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up, looked at the clock, it was not yet eleven, then moved a stool to the window, climbed onto it, and looked out the window.

The rain fell in fine threads, as delicate as needles. A shallow pool of water had gathered on the ground, reflecting the streetlights like a calm, mirror-like pond reflecting the moon.

…

…

A faint mist lingered in the air. Shen Yizhi seemed to have suddenly appeared at the street corner, walking over under an umbrella.

Ning Zhi’s eyes lit up the moment she saw her.

She leaned on the windowsill, wanting to catch Shen Yizhi’s attention but afraid of waking her grandmother, so she whispered urgently, “Shen Yizhi! Shen Yizhi!”

Shen Yizhi actually heard it. She stopped downstairs, tilted her head back, the umbrella leaning back to reveal her face beneath it. She was wearing a school uniform skirt, her expression a bit surprised, but soon her eyes curved into a smile.

Ning Zhi was extremely happy and waved at her vigorously.

However, in the next moment, she saw the girl under the umbrella had changed completely. She wore heavy makeup, her qipao fitting closely, her curves graceful, and the corner of her eye lifted with a charming, playful smile.

Ning Zhi felt as if her heart skipped a beat.

She suddenly opened her eyes, momentarily unable to tell if this was a dream, or if she hadn’t actually fallen asleep, if it was just an imagination from her subconscious.

Yangyang pushed the door open and came in, holding something she had just picked up from the hotel. Seeing her eyes open, she said, « You’re awake? »

Ning Zhi sat up, staring blankly, as the girl under the umbrella and the woman in the qipao kept flashing and overlapping in his mind, as if merging into one person.

Why are you sweating so much? » Yangyang asked, while looking for the air conditioner remote. « 22 degrees, not high at all.

She looked at Ning Zhi with a puzzled expression.

Ning Zhi silently got out of bed.

Seeing that she didn’t say anything, Yangyang put down the remote and handed everything she was holding to Ning Zhi. « Go take a shower. »

They were all Ning Zhi’s clothes and personal items.

In the middle of the day, under the scorching hot sun, my appetite immediately dropped by more than half.

Ning Zhi hadn’t eaten much; she was holding a bowl of chilled mung bean soup, sitting sideways on Chi Sheng’s **, with that old fan creaking as it spun.

She was looking out the window. After dawn, the kind of humid, misty ambiguity was gone, but Ning Zhi was still somewhat lost in thought.

The afternoon shoot began, but it did not go smoothly.

Chi Sheng hasn’t been sleeping well these past few nights, and during the day in class, he couldn’t help but doze off, infecting the circle of classmates around him.

The teacher looked annoyed and told her she might as well not go to school anymore since she had already been admitted early; attending classes wouldn’t mean much, but it would be bad if she affected the other students around her.

The words implied that Chi Sheng had become complacent and arrogant after being admitted early.

Chi Shengxin was proud and arrogant, unable to tolerate this kind of bullying, so he simply packed his things and went home.

She rode her bicycle home, carrying a single-shoulder backpack on her back. When she got downstairs, she jumped off the bike, parked it against the wall, went around to the front, and took a stack of drawing paper out of the basket.

Meilan called out to stop.

Ning Zhi took a deep breath and looked at her.

“Make your movements and expressions a bit more lively,” Meilan said.

Ning Zhi nodded, took a deep breath again, walked over to the bicycle, put the things back into the basket, then pushed the bike about ten meters away and gave Mei Lan an OK sign.

She rode the bicycle, jumped off a few meters before the unit door, held the handlebars and ran a few meters, then casually leaned the bike against the wall.

She took the stack of drawing paper from the basket, held it with one hand, adjusted the single-shoulder backpack with the other, and walked briskly into the building.

Her steps were lively, crossing the stairs two steps at a time, walking very fast, and at the corner, she bumped into someone.

The person let out an « ah » and grabbed the stair railing.

The drawing paper in Ning Zhi’s hand slipped and scattered all over the ground.

She took a step back and looked up.

Meilan shook her head and made a stop gesture.

Ning Zhi was a few beats slow to react before realizing the filming had stopped. She turned to look at Mei Lan without asking what was wrong, because she understood clearly in her heart.

She felt Shen Yizhi standing on the steps watching her, but she didn’t dare turn her head to meet her gaze.

“Try to find the feeling,” Mei Lan said to Ning Zhi.

Except for the first day of shooting, afterward, she rarely broke down the script in detail for Ning Zhi, explaining how to act it out. It seemed she wanted Ning Zhi to understand the role on her own and perform it herself.

After resting for a while, I tried several more times, but it still didn’t work.

Meilan’s expression grew serious. She walked up to Ning Zhi and asked, “Why don’t you dare to look at her?”

This scene required very delicate eye contact, but Ning Zhi didn’t dare to look at Shen Yizhi at all, and even resisted getting close to her. His body language and gaze were stiff.

Shen Yizhi stood by the side, listening to Meilan’s questioning. She didn’t speak, but her presence was so strong.

Ning Zhi couldn’t even bring herself to explain, she lowered her head and apologized, « I’m sorry. »

« Can we still shoot today? » Mei Lan asked directly.

Ning Zhi kept her head down, unable to speak, only lightly shaking her head.

Mei Lan didn’t press her further, just said, « Alright, but this one must be done by tomorrow. »

Ning Zhi couldn’t guarantee that she would be able to adjust her state by tomorrow, but she had no other choice now and could only agree.

She walked out of the set, and Shen Yizhi was already waiting for her outside.

Yangyang glanced at Ning Zhi, whose face was full of resistance. She turned to walk in another direction, but Shen Yizhi said, « Come here. »

After struggling for a second, Ning Zhi walked over and whispered to Yangyang, « You go back to the hotel first. »

She got into Shen Yizhi’s car but didn’t want to speak. In fact, as soon as she got in, she regretted it. She didn’t think there was anything to talk about between her and Shen Yizhi.

The car was heading to the hotel.

They didn’t speak the entire way, and Shen Yizhi just sat beside her.

When they reached the hotel’s underground parking lot, the driver parked the car in a corner, then went downstairs, leaving just the two of them.

« Are you scared? » Shen Yizhi asked.

Ning Zhi turned her head to the other side.

“Ning Ning, I reminded you to be careful about getting into character before the shoot.”

Her words were gentle and subtle. Ning Zhi recalled that after their first scene was filmed, she was the same—sitting there chatting and laughing as usual, without a trace of being affected.

The only one who got into character was her.

Ning Zhi immediately couldn’t tell whether she felt bitterness or grievance. She appeared calm and turned to look at her: « I’m not afraid. I also remember what you said to me. »

Shen Yizhi just wanted to comfort her, but after a couple of sentences, it seemed he had only made things worse.

She was silent for a moment before saying, « What do you think Chisheng’s feelings for Ruan Yinmeng are at this moment? »

At this moment, Chisheng’s feelings for Ruan Yinmeng…

Ning Zhi’s throat felt a bit dry, and she said softly, « Curiosity, a desire to understand, a wish to explore. »

Just like when she was thirteen or fourteen, even though she was so close to Shen Yizhi, she still wanted to understand her, to know what she was thinking in her heart, whether she liked boys or girls, whether she was doing well, and if she ever had a brief moment when she was thinking about her too.

Ning Zhi swallowed hard, instinctively sitting up straighter, unwilling to show even a trace of vulnerability.

« Since you’re curious, why would Chi Sheng be afraid to look at Ruan Yinmeng? » Shen Yizhi asked again.

It wasn’t that Chi Sheng was afraid to look at Ruan Yinmeng; it was Ning Zhi who was afraid to look at Shen Yizhi.

Ning Zhi thought bitterly to herself, but she didn’t dare say this, nor would she ever say it to Shen Yizhi in her lifetime.

She raised her hand to the doorknob: « If there’s nothing else, I’ll be going now. »

Before she could exert force, her right hand was grabbed.

She turned her head, and Shen Yizhi’s gaze was heavy. Ning Zhi realized something was different, and she stared at her in a daze.

Shen Yizhi smiled, the corners of her lips curling up, just like the damp and hazy dream under the streetlight.

Why don’t you dare to look at me?

Ning Zhi licked her lower lip, momentarily dazed, unable to tell whether it was Shen Yizhi or Ruan Yinmeng asking her.

« I… » she whispered softly, somewhat timid.

The person beside her leaned closer, gently moving to her ear, breathing softly like orchids: « Chi Sheng, are you the one eavesdropping on me coming home every night? Hmm? »

Ning Zhi had no idea how she had returned to the room.

She felt as if she had become a marionette, completely out of control; she was somewhat fearful, yet filled with obsession.

Her body went limp as she collapsed onto **, Ruan Yinmeng’s breath swirling around her ear, sending shivers down her spine.

No, it’s not Ruan Yinmeng, it’s Shen Yizhi.

She argued with herself in her heart, but then became dazed again.

Is it Shen Yizhi?

She clearly called out to Chi Sheng.

Ning Zhi was dazed for quite a while and couldn’t understand.

But she gradually realized one thing.

Shen Yizhi doesn’t love Ning Zhi, but Ruan Yinmeng has feelings for Chi Sheng.

She is Chi Sheng, and Shen Yizhi is Ruan Yinmeng.

In the movie, Shen Yizhi loves her.

She shouldn’t be afraid; she should let herself fall in. Otherwise, how else could she get Shen Yizhi to like her?

the Complete book is translated over on my Patreon