**35**
Ruan Yinmeng knew her complexion looked bad, so she had applied light makeup before Chi Sheng arrived, but she still couldn’t fool her eyes.
“Didn’t rest well.” Ruan Yinmeng replied casually, then gestured towards the bathroom, “Go wash up now, we can still sleep together for a while.”
Usually, when she took the initiative to invite her to stay a bit longer, Chi Sheng’s face would light up with joy. Without her saying a word, she would immediately go to the bathroom and clean herself thoroughly.
But today, Chi Sheng just looked at her.
Time seemed to slow down in that instant, and every expression change on Chi Sheng’s face was so clearly reflected in Ruan Yinmeng’s pupils.
She saw Chi Sheng’s suddenly tightened lips and heavy breathing, saw the glance that slid over her body—very brief, yet carrying an undeniable curiosity.
Chi Sheng’s gaze seemed to be burned, abruptly turning away to look at the scorching sunlight outside the window, only then realizing how obvious her emotions were, and then turning back to look at Ruan Yinmeng again.
Her emotions were so transparent in Ruan Yinmeng’s eyes that even though she tried hard to hide them and make herself appear indifferent, they were still completely exposed to Ruan Yinmeng.
Ruan Yinmeng saw through what she was thinking; she had misunderstood her whereabouts over the past two days, believing that she had disappeared for two days to work as an escort.
Chi Sheng met her lowered, deep gaze, his eyes flickering away for a moment, but the next second, he looked directly into Ruan Yinmeng’s eyes without avoidance.
These past two days, she forced herself not to think about the specific scenes, not to think about who Ruan Yinmeng might be with, not to think about what they might be doing.
She filled herself up with constant busyness, thinking she could stay calm and keep her eyes on the long term, but now, standing in front of her, that so-called calmness was almost shattered to pieces.
Don’t do this anymore. Chi Sheng didn’t speak, but her eyes and expression said this clearly.
Ruan Yinmeng neither explained nor agreed.
She even thought it might be better to let Chi Sheng misunderstand, so that her momentary infatuation could be cut off, allowing this fleeting, dew-thin romance to evaporate and disappear.
She curled the corners of her lips, clearly smiling, but her eyes were as deep and dark as an endless sea of ink. She slowly spoke, lightly saying, “You can leave too.”
The scene shifted to the bathroom door inlaid with frosted glass. Inside, the light was filled with a hazy mist. Silence prevailed both inside and out, with only the sound of water muffledly coming through the door.
The scene shifted again.
Chisheng carried a damp heat on his body as he walked into the bedroom. Ruan Yinmeng was lying on her side on the bed; her eyes were closed, her breathing steady, as if she were asleep.
Chisheng hung the towel over the back of a chair, climbed onto the bed, and lay down on the inner side.
The window was open, the curtains fluttering slowly. The standing fan faced the bed, blowing hard, making a creaking noise.
Chisheng reached out and wrote on Ruan Yinmeng’s back: “I want to be part of your future.”
Ruan Yinmeng opened her eyes, staring blankly into the void before her.
The person behind her paused, his fingertips slowly sliding across her back, then wrote another sentence: “I want to understand your past.”
Her strokes were restrained and silent, yet carried a solitary courage that refused to turn back without hitting a wall, like a devoted follower of science earnestly seeking the truth, knocking on the door of Ruan Yinmeng’s heart.
Ruan Yinmeng’s heart door was gently knocked loose, her eyelashes trembling, as if she had gone through countless struggles, only to ultimately fall into powerless silence.
When Shen Yizhi sat up, Ning Zhi silently slipped off the bed from behind her. She put on her shoes and stood with her back to the bed for quite a while.
Shen Yizhi leaned against **, her expression somewhat dazed.
Ning Zhi let out a long sigh, glanced back at Shen Yizhi, sat down along the edge of the bed, stretched out her legs, and lightly tapped her heels on the floor. She forced a relaxed smile: “Last night you said you could distinguish between acting and reality, that you wouldn’t treat me like someone else. Can you really be so composed and self-controlled?”
She was just making small talk, saying something casually to avoid getting stuck in Chi Sheng’s emotions. She was still easily influenced by the character, but after filming for so many days, she had at least learned to fake a calm exterior.
As she spoke, she turned to look at Shen Yizhi. Shen Yizhi was also looking at her, and at the moment their eyes met, Shen Yizhi looked away, his gaze falling on the large bookshelf in the corner of the room.
Filmmaking is truly a wonderful thing. They had just been watched by so many people and filmed by several cameras, yet they could focus solely on each other, feeling one another closely.
At this moment, those people had all left, leaving only them here, yet a vast distance and air filled the space between them.
Shen Yizhi did not answer, and Ning Zhi did not mind, speaking to herself: “I can feel it—the concern, the hesitation, the guilt that forces her to be ruthless, the reluctance to part with Chi Sheng, and the helplessness of being unable to respond. I can feel it all. Even though she has her back to me and doesn’t dare to look at me once, I can still sense the soft heart hidden beneath her hardness. She likes Chi Sheng.”
Ning Zhi slowly analyzed Ruan Yinmeng’s inner feelings, while Shen Yizhi remained silent, still looking elsewhere.
Ning Zhi curiously continued to ask, “With such intense feelings, can you really detach the moment Director Mei says stop, without bringing any emotion back into reality?”
Her tone was somewhat sharp. After hearing Shen Yizhi say that last night, she just felt very sad, but after acting out this scene today, she felt confused again. Is there really someone who can remain calm and composed under such intense emotions?
Shen Yizhi finally looked at her. She didn’t answer her directly but said, “There are many actors who develop feelings for each other because of a movie, but they often quickly fall into mutual dislike and end up parting like enemies. Do you know why?”
She spoke these words gently and slowly, as if reasoning with a child throwing a tantrum.
But in Ning Zhi’s view, what she was saying was just evading the issue.
Ning Zhi frowned deeply, filled with dissatisfaction, feeling that Shen Yizhi was not sincere at all.
Shen Yizhi leaned against the headboard, not paying attention to her displeasure, and continued, “Because actors and their roles are ultimately different. You like the character, but if you transfer those feelings and like the actor as if they were the character, you will naturally end up more and more disappointed.”
“At least when they choose to be together, it’s genuine. Their feelings are real, their happiness is real. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that,” Ning Zhi said without hesitation. When she met Shen Yizhi’s thoughtful gaze, she immediately pressed her lips tight, feeling she had said too much and crossed a line.
Clearly, she had held the initiative in the conversation just moments ago, but after only a few sentences, she had become passive. Shen Yizhi was really cunning.
Ning Zhi looked at her resentfully.
Shen Yizhi smiled softly, much more composed now. She lifted the thin blanket used as a prop and sat down beside Ning Zhi, who was annoyed by her and turned away without looking at her.
“So why do you care whether I can tell the difference between the play and real life?” Shen Yizhi asked in return.
Upon hearing the question, Ning Zhi quickly activated her defense mechanism and came up with a plausible excuse: “Because it’s not fair if I’m the only one who gets immersed!”
Shen Yizhi made her smile with that, and just when Ning Zhi thought the topic was over, Shen Yizhi asked again, “If I, like you, couldn’t tell the difference between you and Chi Sheng, and developed feelings for you because of the play, what would you do?”
Ning Zhi’s leg, which had been tapping on the ground, stopped instantly. After a while, she looked at Shen Yizhi somewhat stiffly and tried to make her tone sound natural: “Oh, then I have to think carefully about how to refuse you without hurting your face.”
It was a somewhat expected answer.
Shen Yizhi nodded and got up to leave.
Ning Zhi was left behind, feeling that Shen Yizhi seemed unhappy.
She stood up in a panic, watching Shen Yizhi walk out the door, standing there helplessly. Shen Yizhi wouldn’t be so petty, would he? She wouldn’t really do that; it was just a hypothetical.
They still had to continue filming at night, and Shen Yizhi was also there.
Because most of the story was told from Chi Sheng’s perspective, Ning Zhi had many more scenes than Shen Yizhi.
But Shen Yizhi spent more time on set than Ning Zhi.
Ning Zhi would occasionally leave for a day or two to attend an event, but Shen Yizhi was always there, as if she had decided to focus solely on filming this movie for the past few months and not schedule anything else.
How much of a favor does she owe Director Mei to be so wholeheartedly focused on filming? Ning Zhi muttered to herself.
Her interactions with Shen Yizhi have become increasingly strange.
After chatting amicably a few times, Ning Zhi could no longer maintain her initial coldness. She still reminded herself to keep her distance, but many times, she couldn’t help but move closer to Shen Yizhi.
Especially after filming the recent scenes, her emotions fluctuated wildly, and she instinctively sought out Shen Yizhi. Just like Chi Sheng couldn’t help but get close to Ruan Yinmeng, she also wanted to stay by Shen Yizhi’s side.
Whenever she got close to Shen Yizhi, those intense emotions—whether frustration and sadness or joy and excitement—would calm down. Even if Shen Yizhi said nothing, her presence, her aura was a soothing comfort.
She didn’t want to appear too immersed in the role; she knew Shen Yizhi didn’t like that, so when they were together, she found all sorts of things to talk about.
She talked about releasing an album in the second half of this year, mentioned that she didn’t take the final exam, had arranged a make-up exam with the school for the new semester, and hoped not to fail. She said many things, but almost every time it ended in an unhappy parting.
She also asked Shen Yizhi what kind of girls he liked.
Shen Yizhi retorted, “Are you planning to play a paparazzo in the next show? So nosy.”
Ning Zhi kindly said, “I can help you keep an eye on things from an outsider’s perspective, so your hormones don’t mislead you and cause you to misjudge people.”
Shen Yizhi snapped back at her, “Mind your own business.”
When Ning Zhi spoke, she was sincere. She had long been eliminated from the competition, so it was interesting to see what kind of person could win the favor of Shen Yizhi, whom she had liked for so many years.
But after parting on bad terms, she felt reluctant. She didn’t want Shen Yizhi to like anyone else at all.
As the filming reached the most critical part of the movie, Ning Zhi immersed herself in her role most of the time to maintain her state. Gradually, she spoke less, but she did tell Shen Yizhi that she understood why so many actors loved this job.
Being able to live another life immersively, especially with such intense emotions, was truly captivating.
Chi Sheng was still trying hard, but it was difficult for her to find another job.
She was also very tired because Ruan Yinmeng had never given her any response. Their relationship was like a fragile thread that could break with the slightest carelessness. If she let go, Ruan Yinmeng would not make any effort to hold on.
She could only hold on by herself.
After the tutoring class ended, Chi Sheng rode her bike home.
When she passed through a dark and deep street, she stopped. The club where Ruan Yinmeng worked was on this street. During the day when she passed by, it was very quiet, showing no signs of revelry, just a tranquil building.
So what was it like at night?
Chi Sheng watched at the street corner for a while, then turned and rode over.
She knew she shouldn’t go, but she couldn’t control herself.
After days of exhaustion, after being deliberately kept apart by Ruan Yinmeng, after the weariness of the night defeated her reason.
She couldn’t even clearly say why she went over—whether it was to understand Ruan Yinmeng’s life or for some other reason.
She rode up to the club, where the building at night was bustling in a way completely different from the daytime; the lights were loud and luxurious, and people were coming and going inside, with cars parked all around the entrance.
Chi Sheng looked over there, staring blankly for a moment.
A woman was helping a man who was dead drunk out of the building.
The man was so drunk he couldn’t walk straight, but he didn’t forget to grope, deliberately pressing his body against the woman and his hands wandering over her.
Chi Sheng glanced over and his expression froze.
The man’s hand deliberately rubbed against Ruan Yinmeng’s chest. Ruan Yinmeng’s makeup was heavy, looking like the most inconspicuous common prostitute.
She was used to dealing with such things, skillfully avoiding trouble, neither angering the customer nor letting him grope her. After struggling to help him down one step, she looked up and saw Chi Sheng standing not far away.
Ruan Yinmeng’s expression suddenly changed. She felt dizzy, as if stripped naked and thrown into the snow, her last shred of dignity completely stripped away.
But in just one second, she realized—what dignity did she still have? This was exactly what she wanted. Letting Chi Sheng see it with his own eyes wasn’t a bad thing at all.
Her body pressed actively against the man, smiling coquettishly: “Be careful.”
After sending the man into the car, she bowed according to protocol. Only when the car drove away did Ruan Yinmeng straighten up and meet Chi Sheng’s gaze just three meters away.
She faced him like this, tearing away the last layer of concealment, exposing herself nakedly to Chi Sheng.
Chi Sheng gripped the handle tightly, her eyes already red. She clenched her teeth, but her body trembled uncontrollably.
Ruan Yinmeng smiled lightly, her demeanor casual, turning around without a care.
Want to be part of my future?
Want to know about my past?
Do you really understand what that means?
She could feel the hurt and angry gaze behind her; her smile vanished, and with a blank expression, she walked into the brightly lit doorway.