Chapter 5: The Bodhisattva and the Script
Monk Yuan was greatly frightened.
Master Jellyfish is discussing the Diamond Sutra with Monk Yuan.
“All appearances are illusory. What is called having appearance, and what is called having no appearance? Existence and non-existence are indeed no obstacle to illusion, but they are of great importance to prajna.”
Monk Yuan went from arguing at the start to listening respectfully afterward, his attitude shifting with remarkable decisiveness, taking only ten minutes of Master Jellyfish’s time.
Hua Ji listened from the side until his eyes were spinning, unable to understand a single word.
In the end, he simply got up, opened his own cabinet, took out some fine tea leaves, brewed them, and carried the tea over.
Just then, Shuimu-dada extended a tentacle, picked up the teacup, and asked in a crisp voice, “What is this thing?”
Monk Yuan said, “A teacup.”
“What is within?”
“Tea.”
“No, there is nothing within.” Shuimu Dada said, “All appearances are illusory.”
Monk Yuan furrowed his brow tightly, then after a long while relaxed it. With a face full of admiration, he said, “Thank you, Senior, for your guidance.”
Then he respectfully took his leave.
Hua Ji looked at Shuimu Dada with awe, and asked cautiously, “What were you just talking about?”
Shuimu Dada slowly turned its head, revealing the notebook behind it.
“We didn’t say anything.”
Hua Ji stared speechlessly at the first, second, and third rebuttal points on the Diamond Sutra that Baidu had pulled up on his laptop screen, and said in disbelief, “You you you… did you recite that by reading off the back?”
Shuimu Dada seemed to have completely given up hope on Hua Ji’s intelligence.
“In the words of you Flower Growers, I’m a demon, and he’s a demon slayer. Why would I study the Diamond Sutra?”
Shuimu Dada closed the Baidu page on the Diamond Sutra and picked up the materials and forms that Monk Yuan had left behind.
“You guys are pretty strict with management here, not like before.”
Hua Ji said dryly, “The country was founded…”
Jellyfish-dada waved its tentacles grandly, striking a crossed-arms pose. “But countries were founded plenty of times before too. The old imperial courts never took a census of yaoguai.”
Another tentacle flipped through the forms. Jellyfish-dada said, “You’ll also need to take an exam.”
“Yes, after all, flower demon folk nowadays all live hidden among the crowds. To stay in the human world, you have to pass the exams and must not cause panic among ordinary people.” At this point, Hua Ji quickly added, “Earlier, during my interview, you leaked fluid and nearly gave yourself away in front of Director Yu.”
Shuimu gave a slight nod of his little umbrella cap. “Alright, I understand. Next time, I won’t let anyone else see me.”
After a pause, he said, “The one acting opposite you seems different from ordinary people. His life force is far more vigorous than most.”
Hua Ji waved a hand. “He’s fine. He’s a cultivator of the Daoist sect, one of us—someone from the cultivation world.”
Jellyfish Dada said, “He’s hostile toward you. Can I eat him?”
“…” Hua Ji swallowed and shook his head. “This is also one of the reasons the exam is mandatory. Yaoguai must abide by the laws set by the state—laws specifically made for us yaoguai.”
Jellyfish Dada indicated that it understood. “I will study them carefully.”
After that day’s conversation, Shuimu Dada had completely taken over Hua Ji’s laptop. Four tentacles were clacking away at the keyboard flipping through PDFs, four tentacles were browsing the materials left behind by Monk Yuan, and the remaining two tentacles had even grabbed the remote control, watching Discovery Channel on TV.
Hua Ji watched this scene, unable to comprehend the profoundness but deeply impressed.
The next day, Yan Hudie called him, telling him the script had been sent to his email and asking Hua Ji to check it.
Hua Ji asked, “How strange. Usually you just send it over directly.”
Yan Hudie said, “Heh, no one dares go to your place now.”
Hua Ji was especially smug—Shuimu-dada’s fearsome reputation preceded him!
“That’s right, this senior is really something.” Before he could boast to Yan Hudie about the story of Shuimu-dada scaring off Monk Yuan, Yan Hudie said, “Yesterday, Director Yuan from the Shenbao Club (Mysterious Creature Protection Club) went to your home, right? After he went back last night, he called the director of the Paranormal Management Bureau to request leave to return to a certain forest temple. Word came today that he’s apparently advanced by a minor realm.”
Hua Ji was dumbfounded.
“Rumors are going around that you brought back a Bodhisattva from your trip abroad.” Yan Hudie’s tone carried a faint trace of mockery. “And a great Bodhisattva who can help people raise their cultivation level, no less.”
Hua Ji hurriedly said, “But you saw it with your own eyes—he’s a yao, a yao!!”
“So what if he’s a yao? Sun Wukong was a yao too, and he still became the Victorious Fighting Buddha.” Yan Hudie was unfazed. “I hear this Bodhisattva of yours was the dharma protector of a famous master in the history of Zhonghua Nation. Right now everyone’s placing bets on which master it was.”
Hua Ji was completely speechless.
He said, “Who’s the banker?”
Yan Hudie said, “Meng Laohu, you know him—he has a casino in Macau, and the stakes are huge.”
Hua Ji immediately said, “What are the options?”
“Don’t worry, there’s an option for ‘complete and utter nonsense.'”
“OK, great, help me bet on this bullshit option. What were the odds again?”
“One to one.”
“…Huh?” Hua Ji said in surprise. “That’s not profitable at all!”
“Yes, because everyone knows it’s a joke. Only the Daoist sect believes it, but they don’t gamble.”
Hua Ji was speechless.
The Daoist sect’s funding sources were legitimate, and every disciple of the Daoist sect had to file records for their spending. How pitiful—not as free as the yaoguai. At least they could gamble and visit prostitutes.
…What? The state prohibits prostitution? No, no, no. For certain foxes who specialize in cultivating the Joyous Dharma, being forbidden from doing the deed is a death sentence. So for yaoguai, certain prohibitions can be ignored.
Ahem, of course, Hua Ji did not walk the path of joy. He walked the path of absorbing moonlight essence for his cultivation. Even though his progress was slow, it was solid enough. This was also the reason why the Daoist sect had tried to make trouble for him several times but could never strike a killing blow.
One of the Taoist Sect’s rules after the founding of the nation: Do not harm innocent cultivating yaoguai without cause. All life is born equal.
Oh, thanks to the American Empire’s Declaration of Independence.
After hanging up the phone, Hua Ji went to the desktop computer in the study, opened his email, and began searching for the message.
Yan Hudie sent him the script. Hua Ji downloaded it, printed everything out, bound it into a thick booklet, and began reading carefully.
The title of this TV drama is tentatively set as “The Romantic Pretty Girl.”
Truly vulgar.
The name is tacky, and the plot is pretty tacky too. The story in one sentence: a young girl from some mountain sect goes down the mountain, meets a handsome guy, and the two of them roam the martial world together, eventually becoming famed heroes—a great hero and a great heroine—before tying the knot, and the whole play ends.
…This piece of trash script is already in pre-production?
Hua Ji shook her head. A clichéd premise paired with clichéd storytelling—how could it ever become a hit?
It relies on how the story is told and the actors’ blushing.
Director Yu had a knack for turning clichéd, melodramatic plots into classic love stories.
Hua Ji briefly skimmed through the story content, then began focusing on his own parts.
His name is Feng Huixue, the chief steward of the Demonic Cult’s leader in the martial world. The female lead descends the mountain and encounters the roguish male lead. The male lead is framed by a close friend and falls off a cliff, his fate unknown, and the female lead decides to jump off the cliff with him.
Just as the female lead is about to jump off the cliff, it happens that the chief steward Feng Huixue seizes the opportunity to secretly ambush the rising new talents of the martial world—killing the men and capturing the women. Then the first good show begins.
The female lead steps forward and helps these people who betrayed Nan Zhu.
She says that even though these people betrayed Shao Ting (Nan Zhu’s name), their crimes do not warrant death, and they certainly should not die inexplicably at the hands of the Demonic Cult. Everyone, charge together…
And so, these little sidekicks who had betrayed Nan Zhu were so electrified by the female lead’s performance that they all fell prostrate at her feet—and then… they abandoned her. While she was busy tangling up Feng Huixue, they quickly made their escape.
Thus, the female lead fell into Feng Huixue’s hands.
Feng Huixue mocked the female lead, but little did she know that the female lead still firmly believed that justice would prevail—her companions had gone back to gather their seniors, and they would surely rescue her.
Faced with such a saintly female lead, Feng Huixue simply escorted her all the way back to the Demon Cult.
Because the female lead interfered, Feng Huixue did not complete his mission. In order to explain things clearly to the cult leader, he let the cult leader meet the female lead.
As a result, the originally wise and brilliant cult leader instantly lost his mind the moment he saw the female lead.
The Demon Cult Leader was shrouded by the female lead’s holy mother halo, and actually thought, how could there be such an innocent, pure, and beautiful woman in this world? He wanted to… bang bang bang the female lead, to see how she would handle being humiliated.
Who would have expected that when the female lead was being roughly treated by the Demon Cult Leader, she would actually say with a face full of compassion: So-and-so, you actually treated me like this. You, you, you—could it be that you have never had a woman before?
The female lead looked at the Demon Cult Leader with an expression that said “you poor thing,” then, with righteous indignation, decided to sacrifice herself to the demon, to make the Demon Cult Leader understand what men and women are.
Just then, Feng Huixue, who had been eavesdropping all along, burst through the door and shouted: Let go of the Sect Master, let me do it!!
“Pu—~!!”
Hua Ji spat out a mouthful of water and tore the script to shreds.